02 Jul

The Noble Wife

 

 

proverbs

Proverbs 12:4
A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones.
As a woman, we are not born into noble character, we are born into sinful flesh. We possess the image of God but our hearts must be taught.  As little girls we look up to her mothers and we model them and I did just that. My childhood eyes saw my mother is the most beautiful creature,  she taught me how to love. I learned by watching her how to be honorable, kind, a wellspring of kindness and a helper.  But it was not enough. Over time I had allowed my mind and my heart to be taken on so many rides, what was left was not very nice. 
We are what we consume and I reached a point in my marriage and I realize the trash I consumed was coming back up and spreading across my family, the results were awful.  There was hostility and toxicity in our marriage and our home and how it got there is too long a story to tell but getting rid of it became a necessity.
2 people, adults come together drawn in by lust, love and desire which by statistics lasts about 18 months. When the fire dies down what is left is life and how we approach it is key, difficulty is not avoidable it comes in many packages.
Difficulty can make us redefine ourselves and where were at in life. There’s nothing like hot water to reveal what’s in the teabag. When someone realizes they need to change we can try to be mindful but are we really ever 100% effective? Failure is a confidence killer that’s cause of setbacks more often than not. I’m all about sustainable progress, so it’s not enough to learn, we must implement new habits and practice in order for a change to stick. I tok on a new mindset, trading hostility for kindness, wearing forgiveness and resisting anger.
As wives and mothers we bear the weight of the relations and our homes in all boomerangs back to us what we do with it matters. 
I ran myself ragged making lists, creating reminders, having talks, counseling, implementing, solving with whatever tips I could find…Exhausting.
Forever the people pleaser I ran circles to keep peace.
How we view the difficulty presented in our households as the overseer is a huge factor in health of the household.
I’ve learned to lean in to prayer in hard times, I found that difficulty is an opportunity.
I encourage you to take some time and consider what’s really going on.  During trials it’s helpful to unplug from our own minds and plug in to God, know that when sparks begin to fly the Lord is at work.
Our home should be judgment free zones, as yourself, am I the safe zone my family needs? Somehow moms have handed this off, subcontracted our jobs to others and we’ve lost so much on the way. We are often the first to become overburdened putting us into situations were simply not designed for and how do we treat our families as a result of this? Just because society sets a model for the American woman,  it does not mean this will work for you, be yourself.
Anger and frustration were my go to emotions I had become a flashpoint. I was able to handle it until my illness crept in and then boom, she blew.
I tied the people that I love to expectations which were largely unmet, my excuse to race off to go fill the wound with girl time, retail therapy, winery events, filling up my desires at whim because I could. I often came home and day with nothing to pour back out our household had become ripe with discontentment, we were barely surviving.
When my illness hit the expectations tied to me crashed and suddenly the boys of the house were as lost as I was.
Sitting in the midst of the mess I asked God to please redefine the role of wife for me, I was a total failure I was miserable and so was everyone else.
Realizing I had no power to solve the issues in front of me I went into deep prayer and learned I was put here to serve not to be served that was my wake up call.
My job is another is to paint a beautiful picture of service which is love without conditions. I was only able to do this when I allowed God to come into my heart and consume me. I had become so sick of myself and my own way, I begged for a makeover so as my body ttied to heal so did my spirit. I went all in, I had nothing but everything to lose.
God taught me to be as full as possible with his love, steer away from any codependence on waiting for others to pour love back onto me.
I was scared,  could I learn to pour myself and others zero expectations? I am selfish to a fault and admit it.
In the past my way was rule and my short fuse always let igniting other fuses causing us to burn. Remember Lady taught me bit and bride are a wild thing’s friend.
I began to unpack my soul with God, my friends had bailed out, none understood,  I was left with a sick body, empty hands, and a husband and son who did not know what was going on. I wrote therapeutically prayed frequently I was able to feel safe and unpacked to my family as well.
No one was more surprised than I when my husband stepped in beside me, he had been watching closely became my confidant and a shelter we began to build our marriage all over again, the results are beautiful. That how God provides, He gives us a shelter that is mean to be the image of His love, a marriage.
If you can identify with any events I encourage you to start today craft an honest apology rooted in acts and affirming words, begin to work on paper work through unresolved issues,  you owe it to yourself, you owe it to your family.  I wrote letters to God, letters to the people that hurt me, I poured out my heart I cried until there were no more tears. The path I had taken in life while ignoring God was ripe with pain,regret and consequences.
This was so helpful to understanding.
God will raise our pain thresholds as we enter discussions but we must focus on the issue, not on events, no finger-pointing, no blaming, forgiveness is a crown we must wear and we must commit to the process of trading anger, fustration and resentment in for intimacy with God.
As my nest grows empty my role changes again and I’m still learning this journey is not on I take alone. I go with God as my guide and he’s given me an extension of himself to stand in the gap with me. I always used withdrawal to avoid any unpleasantries but now that I unplug from me, I’ve exchanged my habits and my actions no matter how well-intentioned they may be. I traded them for His infinite wisdom.
I applied discipline rather than depending on self-control. I cannot change me but God can re-work my heart. This removes the weight from my shoulders by choosing righteousness and embracing the truth. I resist entering bondage and choose to exercise my spiritual sense my deepest desire is only to know God better and understand his way. I’ve learned that God does give us power, the power of choice.
I resolve and renew my mind before a crisis, not when it hits or during it. My choice. 
Ladies let me say with every problem I watch you all face I can only say “me too”, I have been there. Trust me when I say God knows your heart he sees your intentions not your acts, stop trying so hard and tell Him what you desire for your family, seek His word for guidance, no other truth exists that produces results like this.
A noble wife knows she is a conduit of Grace. My caring provides a channel through which God’s love and mercy can flow.
Plant seeds of love, take time, renew your choices, are you seeing yourself and your desires only or the family, the children, the gifts that God gave you. Where your heart is there will be your treasure,  treasure laid up here will rust and be eaten by moths, only treasure in heaven is eternal.  Choose to live, reap the eternal blessings and treasures that God infuses into the spirit of the noble wife.
We are all in this together I’m here as an arrow, I point to Him, the rest is up to you.
Plant seeds with the Master Gardener and watch your garden grow.
Much love,
Marla

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