25 Apr

Pilgrimage to the Truth


Divinity, Oneness, Ohm…..Pilgrim, wandering free what is it you seek? I had an Ohm symbol tattooed on my back at my root chakra. I sought Peace for my weary soul and wanted the world to know, It does.

Our quest begins at conception, 2 souls come together, the ultimate mystery is set into motion and life begins with a new soul. We all start that way, from eggs, this years hatching eggs here on the farm brought me to some scalp scratching and God began to speak to me.

So much of our spirit is rooted in beliefs, I have shared the fact that I was fed religious beliefs and the pilgrim in me choked on the hypocrisy and continued on, seeking truth has no compromises. My belief system has learning for a long time, there is far more unseen than seen and we only know pieces of the mystery, like the egg we cannot see the progress yet we remain certain of it.

Faith, Hope and Love, these three Remain, is part of a verse in the Bible but in these 7 words there is wisdom and I can show you why I feel this way. I have watched religion attack anything  mystical  and poison the water. It is the Salem Witch trials all over again except now it’s the Evangelicals against the New Agers, give me a break, Jesus would give us a parable about that I am sure.

Personally, my spirit felt completely lost in this world where is the root? Where is the truth!  As a spiritual person, when God began to be  realized in my life, the truth of Jesus Christ’s life and teachings, essentially the Gospel began to allow me to overcome the belief system that was generated  during my search. My unending quest to beat my way past the thorns and dragons on the way to the Kingdom.
Maglie Calcio poco prezzo
I read the Tao and the Wisdom of the Tao and found things taught me more than school ever did.  I followed the Thrive movement and they seem to have it all nailed down except it lacked a heart, I am sorry Mr Foster but I cannot follow another human being into a contrived belief system. True pilgrims chart their course and go alone.  I lived aware the past 46 years and know of Jim Jones, David Koresh and Heavens Gate, their “game” contrived human minds. There is no way to see the heart of a man, a tree is known by it’s fruit, as are we. Case in point, we must seek the fruit of  our teachers.

I found a verse  which prompted my search, 1st John 5:5 “Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God”. We can believe in Jesus, but I must be also willing to say the Bible is the book given to teach us about God and I must consider it all to be fair. This is a belief that guarantees eternal life when we abide in our faith, we need to have confidence and surrender to the outcomes predicted. Belief is a choice of free will.

I’ve learned that “Obsession without certainty is slavery” and I truly belive this is so. Former certainties I had to let go of plunged me into the dark night yet I continued to seek union with the One True God fearlessly, I may be a sinner but I am not a wimp. Be strong fellow travelers, let go of all practices for a moment, cultural, spiritual and religious and  to quote Van Morrison….magnificently we will flow into the mystic.

Jesus was a martyred mystic. His belief in God as the Father and unexplainable parables that shredded laws had to be silenced with such force so that it is never heard of again, a massacre of his image and human body contrived by humans ego and love of power.

Meister Eckhart is another mystic whose words get tossed about by Oprah Winfrey, so I researched not his life  but his beliefs. I found that Eckhart sought henosis (greek word for Oneness), he was a  Neoplatonist. Let’s investigate…

Neoplatanists were philosophers seeking “oneness” through Theurgy. Theurgy is the process of using rituals to invoke the presence of the gods to reach the divine, the perfect self. Theurgy is a form of Monism which is the belief of One God. (Monad) means, divinity or one being, sought individually, dedicating life to making relations with created world and other humans better. Pantheism believes the Universe is divinity. It was popularized by Spinoza and Descartes and later by Sagan, a dualist theory that body and mind are separate. Panentheism is a belief system that posists (postualte or axiom which is a premise of the start point of reason) means “all in God” the Universe and God are One.  Axiom is a greek verb meaning to balance, worthy, proper and they based this view on axiom which oddly is never even used in math due to being considered nonsensical. An axiom was to “deem among philosophers a claim which could be seen without proof”.

This was established in the early 1900’s by none but Alister Crowley who believed that the twentieth century marked humanity’s entry to the Aeon of Horus, a new era in which humans would take increasing control of their destiny by use of magick conforming human will. Although his teachings were a direct  controversy of the Bible, Mr Crowley refused the title of Satanist, was addicted to heroin, acknowledged God and the Devil and was an advocate of young male children as human sacrafice. Ozzy Osbourne wanted to inverview him and get inside his head, no thank you, I’ll pass.

Thelemic magick is a system of physical, mental, and spiritual exercises which practitioners believe are of benefit. A man named  Francois Rabelais, a writer, doctor, satirist and monk who saw a humanistic of life, in his Abbey of The’le’me   he wrote, ” All their life was spent not in laws, statutes, or rules, but according to their own free will and pleasure. They rose out of their beds when they thought good; they did eat, drink, labour, sleep, when they had a mind to it and were disposed for it. None did awake them, none did offer to constrain them to eat, drink, nor to do any other thing; for so had Gargantua established it. In all their rule and strictest tie of their order there was but this one clause to be observed.”  Productive or non-productive way of life?

The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. Proverbs 13:4

He was unrespected by the acedemic elite who suspended his works. He was deemed by a write of the National archives as a militant anti-Christian atheist, his works never meant for consumption yet Mr Crowley used this piece of fiction as his blueprint for his writings about this “book of law” as he called it.

  Where is this all going?  In the Middle Ages Neoplataism was integrated into the philosophical and theological works of many of the most important influencers of Islam, Christianity Muslim and Jewish thinking. The founder of Neoplatism was a convert from christianity to paganism in 3rd Century AD, he renounced Salvation and advocated philosophical contemplation.

Adding Thelema and all of these “isms” to the mix that is Christianity today certainly disrupts the teachings of Jesus about God’s will. Over the years the water has become muddier and muddier each person flavored by the one before him. Isn’t philosophy simply thoughts contrived of a human beings? Everything I have spoken of in this article influenced so many still taught and quoted today, Spinoza, Marx, Goethe, Descartes, Einstein and many more. Humans have been taken down a garden poaths with our thinking minds, no wonder we were told to pray for wisdom and discernment. 

I have employed some of these writers in the past, I feel quite betrayed now that I understand the true roots of religion whenther it say it is of the light or the dark. Absent of Jesus is not taking you anywhere but to the crazy train with the Oz man.

They just keep killing Jesus over and over, why does Jesus remain the most influential human to ever live despite the maligning of His message? Could it be Divinity? This comes down to logical and non logical. The Bible has staying power that noone can explain, but I will try. Goodness trumps evil, period.  Not one of these dudes can top Jesus, the formula of the Gospel is the only one that brings enlightenment and fulfillment,  sorry fellas, your philosiphies hold no water.

If I told you that I experience God what would you say? He is real, He is not in me, but his Holy Presence speaks to me, his only Son died so that I could be closer to God, God is closer than I ever knew. He is not the planet but he created it and all on it, in it and around it. I have searched and searched all over the place for the truth. I have had chakras read, meditated, channeled,  tripped, shroomed and seanced but nothing trumps the place where you come face to face with the OneTrue God. I needed no explanation or rationale to find him, I opened my heart and mind and called His name. The rest is beautiful history and I walk in the Light.

All of this stuff aside of the Bible, is wishful thinking on mens parts because they tried to explain the unexplainable with theory and philosophy. I can theorize until the cows come home but that doesn’t make me right.  My message is human not perfect but I prayed for the words today to show who God is. Our hearts are real, the spirit we cannot see, but lets liken it to the black box in an airplane. From the time oyour soul was put into your body the ping has been going off, calling you back to the love that created you. 

So consumer, pilgrim, please use the 3 monkeys policy, and pray for discernment.

Can we explain Corrie Ten Boom’s Bible surviving a concentration camp? Can we explain the miracles that happen every day that the news says are “feel good stories”? No, Science needs to shut up and embrace mystery in my opinion. Our counter intelligence to our inherent human purpose will do us in. Love of self and opposition to God, is Ego.  What do you store for Heaven? Earth junk stays here. Unload, God will back the uhaul up and say, dump it the sin right here. But kill it before you dump it, one cannot serve 2 masters, we cannot put it away alive, there is no looking back.

Graceless sinners we are, come to me all who are heavy laden and I, Jesus will you give rest.  Come without condition.

You find this situation just a bit uncomfortable
You’d rather stay far away from reality
For you to understand would be clearly impossible
So you shut your eyes and swear you can see-lyric by Ginny Owens

Much love, Marla

“He that lives in sin, and looks for happiness hereafter, is like him that soweth cockle and thinks to fill his barn with wheat or barley.”
― John Bunyan, The Pilgrim’s Progress





23 Apr

The Division Bell

division bell


The Division Bell, the Pink Floyd Tour I actually made it to. A fan since the “Wall” which so many of us in the 80’s educational system identified with. The machine that put kids on the assembly line and ran them into a chopper, grotesque but think of it as our spirits, not far off.  It was resistance with an awesome soundtrack.

The bigger bell of division has rung, the one I ring daily. The separation of being a Follower of Jesus or being Religious. In Biblical times there were the Pharisees and Sadducees, I did my homework, I won’t bore you with the details of these past groups but know that we are odd hybrids of them both. Spiritually they were divided, one belived the spiritual realm and one did not, one was the religious group and the other the self sufficency group.  They were on opposite sides up until this Nazarene preaching love and peace showed up and his teachings threatened their heirarchy of power with major social repercussions.

Jesus challenged human beings to be more, to live uprightly, be beyond reproach, to be alert, self controlled (that would go very far), to love and share and care, so why was he such a big threat that they had to crucify him? Oh wait, he was suggesting a humble, peaceful, loving culture and that stops the big money racket that feed the hierarchy, okay, I get it. Jesus taught us love, he sought harmony and hearts that believed and loved the Father as he did. He revealed the Father time and time again, in 3 years he and his message were supposedly dead, but evil will never wins, God does so the story continues with each of us.

Since the inception of religion in the 17th century that separated religion from science terrible  damage has been done to the development of the human spirit. A narrow view was adopted that named mysticism a psychological phenomena, now classifying any non-rational world views into a catch all of religious weirdness. I see this many times directed at those involved in the street preaching and spiritual events they bring others into.
maglia calcio poco prezzo
Initally I too was skeptical, I watched the documentary Holy Spirit a few times, I had to really pray before I wrote  about it. The undeniable factor in this is the love for Jesus in these men and the desire to reveal His love to the needy and the lost. It is seen in their faces yet I see churches attacking them. At least they are trying, not sitting in pews thinking, “thank you God I am not one of them” To the general non believing public this is a joke, if we cannot all agree on God then what?

At some point man being driven by the spirit of religion began to speak for Jesus. If the Bible tells us not to rely on the word of man and the spirit of religion then why do we seek reconciliation and fulfillment there?  God has become something else in todays world, not the Just Father with Unlimited Love and Patience. Ephesians 3:12 says “In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.”

That does not require other human beings to go with you. I can tell you when I retreat to be alone with God I find vitality and power that is not of this world, I don’t want people, I want to hear His voice. God’s word is called a mirror in the book of James, it is called soap and water to  wash with in Ephesians and the Psalms call God’s word spiritual milk and honey. It is true we must reflect, be washed and fed, God loves us so much.

The spirit of religion lives in church, and  by their fruit you will know them. There is no rule, regulation, fee or dress code with God. Churches should be hospitals for the spiritually sick yet they remain socially divided, rendering them unable to administer care. I fear that many in the world do not even know the call of the Father’s voice. We go about feeling bad about ourselves and feeling unforgiven under the mask of “church” with smiles. I only know because I lived this defeating ritual, it made me run in the other direction.

I feel that we forget all good things come from God. We lose our gratefulness to Him and when this occures our attitude changes. Life becomes boring drudgery and management of problems, one struggle after another, we become negative and cynical under the abuses heaped upon us. We no longer realize God’s love for us, our belief is gone. We then harden, becoming cynical to suffering killing the spirit of humble gratitude that God wants us to posess.

Religion is beating the human spirit to death, the book of Colossions frees us from the divisions of religious festivals and religious rules saying that they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence or better said, our desires. The New Testement is chock full of instruction to live as Jesus instructed, all require reflection and discipline but that can be a good thing, right?  The disciples risked everything to continue His message.

The message that Satan is using the spirit of religion to silence  and diminish.

John 4:23 But an hour is coming, and now is, when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth; for such people the Father seeks to be His worshipers.God is spirit, and those who worship Him must worship in spirit and truth.”

Courageous soul, seek your truth today, I can breadcrumb the path but I cannot lead you. This world is Satans playground and he delights in tempting and confusing humans. Pick up a Bible and read Psalm 139, it is my centering verse.

It gets clearer day by day, the road opens before me and my life has become a living prayer.  I pray for all who find this message today. What you see on the news is not our reality. Please stay with me. I awoke this morning and heard it clearly, “explain me” that was all, thank you Jesus.

“Father, I seek no gain, only to prepare hearts to revieve you.” Amen

He stands at the door and knocks, but he cannot touch the doorknob, that is your job.

Much love,



21 Apr

I Scream, You Scream…Ice Cream

The man I married can eat ice cream like nobody’s business. He fondly recollects entire pails of chocolate marshmallow and shared spoons with Pop and his brothers. So when I lost my job, I could no longer afford 3 half gallons of Breyers a week in my budget so I recreated it, it lacked, he suffered in silence. But now that things have evened out and I have grocery money I have perfected it, at least for our tastes.

I share my recipe because I worry for people over what is in food, I learned this the hard way,  and my job as God’s steward is to care for others. The Grocery manufacturers association in combination with brands that began as household staples our moms used have become GMO loaded toxic products that resemble food but do not nourish the body. There is much said on social media and news about becoming a watchdog for your family, living in this world requires an education. They changed things and did not educate us, but farther down the road we can see it was not a good idea, I feel betrayed.

The elimination diet that I underwent recently proved to me that we are driven by desire. The Bible says not to become a slave to it and even speaks of needing to be controlled by bit and bridle, we were given discerning minds and strong spirits, seek the truth, even in your food. I orayed that God would help me seek what noursihes me and am staying focused on the pijnt of decision, my choices are mine, I own them, I can stand firm and resist tempation too. My call, I live with my consequences, I felt I can change this. Nuff said.

We are consumers, via ear, eye and mouth, we become what we consume, think about it.


That said I have re-created my kitchen out of necessity, I was not willing to do without so I figured it out. That is what we courageous souls do isn’t it? Well I’ve found this ice cream is soul food. Yum, it makes me happy, hence, I share with you my loves.
magliette calcio a poco prezzo
Be happy consumers and go in peace, love and sprinkles.

Much love and many hugs,


The attachment for Kitchenaid is what I use, I cannot guarantee same results in another. I also use basic ingredients, this should not be hard.

Consumer alert* Also I use raw eggs, I have never had an issue, use your own discretion. 

Find one here: http://www.amazon.com/KitchenAid-KICA0WH-Quart-Cream-Attachment/dp/B0002IES80/ref=sr_1_1?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1429627250&sr=1-1&keywords=ice+cream+maker

Homestead Essentials Ice Cream

In KitchenAid stainless bowl, crack 4 fresh eggs, use whisk and whip for 5 minutes until egg becomes foamy, add 4 tsp. pure vanilla,  1/2 tsp salt and 1/4 to 1/2 cup organic sugar

note*  I limit sugar so I use 1/4 cup in mine but you can increase to your liking up to 1/2 cup.

Allow this to blend well and continue to thicken, one more minute.

To make chocolate add 1/4 cup of chocolate paste (recipe below)- to make vanilla just carry on without. If you make chocolate, make paste 1st to allow it time to cool.

I get Stonyfield Heavy Cream, about $3.60 at the grocery store for 1 pint.



I use 2 well shaken pints in this recipe which I add to the bowl on slower speed to incorporate the cream. The cream always is thick and stuck on the bottom  so I add a splash of milk to each cream container and shake again then pour into bowl. note * not too much or it will get too thin, it should be foamy like the eggs were.


Remove the bowl and place the freezer and attachments on the base. note * for best results  freezer should be kept in deep freeze for 72 hours prior to use.

Start the mixer so that the paddle turns in the empty bowl. Slowly pour the cream mix into the moving paddle in the bowl, be deliberate and careful, then just allow it to go round and round…depending on the seasons and temperature of the kitchen this time varies. I allow at least 1/2 hour and stay close, it clicks and makes noise when it thickens.


Remove promptly when thick and freeze. Enjoy!

Chocolate Paste for ice cream

1/3 cup filtered water

1/3 cup cacao or cocoa powder

1/4 tsp real salt

1/3 cup sugar (I use 2 tbsp in mine but I reduce all my sugar, and have sucessfully used honey in this)

In small pan on medium heat, stir well to incorporate, bring to slow boil for only 1 minute and whisk, it will thicken up nicely. note *Do not over thicken. Allow to cool before using in recipe.




08 Apr

Welcome Spring Things

Spring emerges and one thing I know about spring is it is a time of changes on a farm. We lived saturated in humbling miraculous events, in nature and animals that redefine the constant din of the story the world tries to spin. Eggs that turn in to fluffy peeping balls are a great reminder.
Spring often means cleaning, houses, garages, barn and hearts while we are at it, my heart has had the doors open for some time, I needed an overhaul.  Open the bay doors and get the dump truck.
Easter came and went it this year really uncelebrated at our home, we had a family gathering but no bunny or chocolate themes, not church either. I have come to a place at 46 years old where I was at 26. Too old to go back to training so I self taught and passed with flying colors anyway.
I do not fit in at church, yes I live in the country and share many similarities with my peers but over time became far more comfortable with a mountaintop than a steeple.
I used to cry at church, seriously, I did, it really used to embarass my kids, (sorry guys). I used to believe it was because I could not find God there. For years I was ticked at the entire church process inside and out. It failed me, numerous times, flagrantly and very not like Jesus at all.  I didn’t want to be there, they were snobs and I am sure God was right behind me.maglia atletico madrid
Yes I said behind me.
Not so fast,  we covered that, He is in front now where He belongs. On the other side of that is the here and now, one hellish winter behind me and an epiphany.
I had to hear ithe words from another addict, Self Hatred, it hit me like a 2 x 4 across the head.
I, the task master in my head, had deemed myself too bad for God’s work, I would never be a Sunday School teacher, never one of those super trendy involved moms, I was never even allowed as a member in the church, I am a risk, I walk the line as many former addicts do.
I spent years denying my love affair with booze but it has come out of the mouths of humbling places, in my childrens words and my mothers tears. There is nothing more painful as a parent than to hear how your selfish, impaired  choices  hurt their young lives, it is a fact that brings me to my knees before God, no faking from this girl, I know what I am.
So all that said here is your good girl gone bad, then bad girl gone good blog,  I promise I will not feign perfection, oh no, I have learned to fall, somewhat gracefully at times.
Which takes me into relearning how to live, outside of bars and bike rallys, outside of corporate America, they didn’t want me either. This life calls for one being comfortable in one’s own skin, being honest, being present and standing alone.
I have done alone a lot, every new situation seems to take me back to 5th grade and a classroom of faces I did not know, all eyes on me, I learned to survive until the bus took me home to my Dad.
Oddly at 46 I am no more popular than I was at 11, but what a ride I had trying to make them all love me. We are born with a deep longing for love, we could talk for months on the ways we try to fill that longing inside of us, I am sure our hearts would break over the stories.
Today I sought clarity for my own life, my love searches have crash landed in the past and the book of Ephesians is a fine stopping place. I developed self accountability a very long time ago, I had to do it to survive. I have been told I am too hard on myself but if I am honest I am hybrid personality, pair the self driven with the reflective and innovative and you get me.
When a type B goes into a job made for a type A,  voila!
The day I began morphing myself into a successful banker and denying the flower child it was a bad idea although it developed my business side and my analytical skills and I made a slew of awesome friends who I love.
I really don’t know what that makes me but I follow the beat of my own drum these days and seek my wisdom on my knees instead of in my own design studio.
When God allows life to “sit you down in your seat” to listen He will go to great lengths to get your attention, trust me, it is a good idea to listen.
I have never been obedient and I am willful and stubborn, (love you Mom), I haven’t changed. So you see I need to read Ephesians, I sin, case in point. ( I said I’d be honest)
Ephesians 5:18 is interesting, it says, “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit”.
An important verse I most likely skimmed over for years but I am learning to decipher my Bible and am shocked at what I learned today. As someone who began drinking at 13 years old I knew all about Do no Drink but curiosity killed the cat you know.
Debauchery defined by Noah Webster is: Immoral Self Indulgence, Binge, Burn Candle at Both Ends, Carousing, Fast Living, Indulgence, Intemperance, Lust Sensuality, Lewdness, Gluttonly and Excess.
 The opposite of debauchery is: Benevolance, Mercifulness, Unselfishness.
Okay, we have the quiintessential bad girl Kesha vs Mother Theresa, need I ask whom we all should seek to model?
Being a former addict I can speak on how booze greases the inhibitions of a nice sweet kid who is naive to what goes on in the big world. But that was 1981and this is now, one thing I can tell you about today’s teens is they are smart and savvy. Do not try to sugar coat anything they can spot a fake a mile away.
It also greases the social inhibitions of bored, frustrated and despressed adults worldwide. This is an issue that it seems only AA is attacking. The media glorifies it’s use, it is reveled in, endorsed, marketed, kids watch mom and dad use it, they become desensitized and see it as a tool for fun. By high school and college age they are dipping toes if not swimming in it.
As parents we are called to live an authentic life and be honest, we can deny our actions with words but just as cream always rises to the top, truth emerges and 10, 20 years later, it hurts worse to clean up the damage, trust me. I set so many bad examples along with my attempted good ones.
For us Ephesians is a handbook, a manual of sorts, fit for family study, read it aloud, what does it mean to you for your life? Have a discussion, what does it all mean for your family?
It tells us how to live in peace, actual instructions with easy to understand words like be gentle, humble, live as children of light, bearing with others in love, speak truth, don’t hold onto anger, build others up according to THEIR not YOUR needs, be kind, compassionate, be strong in the Lord, do things wholeheartedly, be obedient children.
We are all born from a spirit created by God, yes your parents did their parts but God is the designer. He made us in the secret place, Psalm 139:15, think life creation of the world, same place, God’s design.
This journey through life is hard, I will not lie, it is brutal at times. I read Pilgrims Progress as a kid and identified with Christian, the roads he traveled, the  pitfalls he ran into or created by his choices on his way to the City. I see my journey littered with debris but so many flowers on the way, messengers of light who came to me, many of them you, people I love, people who changed my path. People are wonderful, we need other people.
There were huge disasters but clarity of mind followed them, the blessings always surfaced and were the dominant memory. And God was always there, wasted out of my mind, even in my deepest sins, His love and care was over me. In reading my Bible I can see all of the messages from God I missed. This being loved by God, it is a 2 way street and you need to show up, I was detained, at the bar and many other destinations.
My mis-interpretationof God, my distorted view of love, the walls I built, the hatred I had for my own actions all blocked His voice , I was clueless to all that I see so clearly now.
In the coming weeks we will talk more about those walls and how they are created but for today I want to meet you, right where you are. If my words mean anything to you, then great, let’s be friends.
I don’t need a stage, a name or fame. My daddy was a soldier and he discipled me, I took up the charge when he went to be with Father.  My job here is to be a steward of what God entrusted to me, my husband, my kids, our family, our farm, our friends, animals and gardens and a life that can be used to make things here among my fellow men bettter.
Here is the self assured Warriors Prayer for you to use, I made edits to cement in my mind exactly what my mission is. Say it confidently and envision the metal clinking into place. Don’t start your day without it. Be fierce.
All we need to do is Believe.
Confident Warriors Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father
I am preparing for battle today
My goal is to claim victory over Satan by putting on the whole armor of God
I will wear the Girdle of Truth
I will stand firm in the truth of your word
I will not be a victim of Satan’s lies
I wear the Breastplate of Righteousness, it will guard my heart from evil, 
I will remain pure and holy protected under the blood of Jesus Christ
I walk in the Shoes of Peace. I will stand firm and walk in Jesus’s love
God’s Peace will shine through me and be a light to all I encounter
I carry the Shield of Faith. It deflects Satan’s fiery darts of doubt, denial, and deceit
I will not be vulnerable to spiritual defeat.
I am safe in the Helmet of Salvation
I will keep my mind focused and Satan will not have a stronghold on my thoughts
I wield the Sword of the Spirit. The two edge sword of your word will be ready in my hands and I will expose the tempting words of Satan.
In full faith your warrior boldly wears the whole armor of God
I Will live this day and spiritual victory amen!