31 Oct

All In or All Out

Early morning is my favorite time of day. After I pack my darlings lunch and kiss him goodbye the dogs, the cat and I retreat to my spot where I reach for my Bible. I have come to the realization that I need this, it is my lifeblood and at 45 I know the world has no answers that serve my spirit. That relentless stubborn curious streak I was born with serves me well in this case.
I pray before I open my Bible, we need direction so I ask for it. I pray aloud and ask God to show me the truths I seek answers to. When you have traveled down a road such as mine, you need clarification, the world twists our minds into knots.
I have been stopped in my tracks on more than one occasion and reduced to tears over the text in the Bible before me. I use Our Daily Bread as my guide, it was my fathers guide in his spiritual life.
The messages are timed and doled out by the day and when it perfectly applies to me, I know I am in the presence of God, heart humbled and wide open. I listen and read and usually talk aloud, my dogs sit at my feet, the cat purrs in her sleepy circle on the blanket. The room is alive though peaceful, it is something I never, ever want to lose.
I was a curious teen who was rebellious and explorative, I could tell stories that would curl my mother’s hair and I have stood in the presence of pure evil on more than one occasion.
My sinful life compromised my heart and mind, allowed me to form bad habits and the free spirit was off at breakneck speed, I ran toward it willingly, chains of good girl be damned.maglia paris saintgermain
I know myself very well, although living in complete sin I still prayed at times, I believe there was a divine cord around me thanks to my parents that bound me to God. he was relentless in pursuing me and I ran.
Thirty some years later I know about self discipline, I know about saddles and reins and I need them. Why? I am a weak sinner and would fall into it and be gone, I almost went there a few times and am done with that.
Perhaps that is why this farm, this old house, that old Bible are the perfect connection for my old soul. Born in 1969 to 44 year olds, then raised as they were in the 30’s and 40’s that is just what happens, these old values that are missing today are the key to the kingdom. I see my parents beautiful fingerprints all over my family and can see the fruit of things they planted, I see it most in my children who both have struggled as I did to fit in this worlds pattern.
You cannot find the silent peace of God amid the noise of the world, do not confuse this with nature, the machine that is the world is what I refer to. There is so much noise it is deafening.
My fellow homesteaders can join me in saying that the simple life does demand much more of us. The work is hard, the pay is a long term investment of your time and failure is a frequent visitor.
But the cool dirt in the spring, the new life of a seed, the birth of new babies all sing God’s joyous tune. The fall leaves as they make their slow journey to the forest floor do not rush, nor do the birds as they prepare for their migration, a sheer tribute to God’s mysteries. When you are surrounded by this song, you cannot ignore the powerful forces that are at work.
Homesteading required great discipline, as does creating a homestead in your heart, this learned and need to share with you, my friends.
The road less traveled is the one that is hardest to navigate, I have had the pleasure to teach both of my children this by example however the reigning theme in the lesson is it produces riches in the heart and builds us strong as human beings. It is time for us all to get our “house” in order.
We are spirits having human experiences as the faster society goes we are becoming more technotronic and less human. GMOs’ are de-masculinating males, rendering women barren, more and more toxins are slipped into babies and there is a war on human life. The system as it goes has destabilized the American home.
Americans need to decide which side we are on, the one of life or the one of death, which the wages of sin will take you too if you don’t know the difference.
The religious community has done alot to tell parents to look to music and media for the poison but the poisoning starts at home.
We need to have personal accountability be our focus, we are all teaching each other at every age and this is the only way we can function as a free society, be accountable for ourselves and our sphere of influence.
I learned this in my banking career, I ran a sucessful office in a small town and by the time I had to leave for my health problems it was ranked #1 in the state of PA. A grand exit don’t you think?
Before my body failed me though I had some things, some practices that worked well for me and my team and they may help you.
We worked in a system of goals and the pressure was on us all the time. Did I hover over them like a helicopter watching every move, no. Did I threaten them or buy presents, no.
I modeled behavior and asked them to tell he how they were doing, all the time. Issues were not allowed to fester, the gauntlet was off, we had to be in a tiny office for 6 days a week for many hours at a time, we needed to get along, it was all on the table.
I created a kind environment, one where I could plant seeds and let them grow, when I had disciplined people this worked well, when one person had other ideas it became a struggle.
At some point in my illess I gave away my power, a fatal mistake. I won’t discuss the details but   it served as a wonderful lesson to me, never give away your power, as a person, as a parent. 
Chasing the Corporate Crown which I already had hanging on the walls in shiny plaques and accolades left me empty inside and when I was sick did not matter a bit to me.
I could not manage it all so I used the tools of the trade. I had all the insurances, the medical team, great education opportunities, we were living the fast life, social networks, attending social events and working our way through trying to find the happy spot where the glitter ball spun fast and free.
When I got sick, this all failed, I watched it crash and burn at my feet and was left absolutely stranded by all of the framework that was to save me.
Can you see why I turned around and went the other direction? Back to a humble place?
When my body began to get well my mind was struggling, I was far removed form the corporate ladder, I was a manager with nothing to manage but myself, and I did.
I used the same philosophy as I did at my job, I gently came along side myself, as an older wiser soul and began to sort through it all with new perspectives, God’s forgiveness and love.
I came to learn it all begins with me, even here, when the new things I manage (a household, a self sustaining farm, an illness, and our growth as people) became clear to me and I knew it was time to quit messing around.
Once I was out from under the influences that controlled me I was free to be me again. For someone who struggled my whole life with sadness and melacholy I realize I constructed a life that chafed my soul. Yes I mean chafed, like a scratchy rash that hurts.  Bad idea.
If this helps you in any way, my job is done. I feel we create our own garden in this life.
Start with you,create fertile soil,  identify the weeds, go to the Master Gardener, the Creator of the garden for help, then let it grow. Watch as the  birds, the butterflies, the color, the vibrance returns to you and feel alive.
We are made for so much more that the bill of goods we are sold. No insurance plan or 401k saved one soul from misery. In my banking life I knew the meekest, simplest people of wealth who lived silently and watched the glitter lovers build and construct their own financial prisons. I tried to help but often was chastised from the high eschelons about getting too personal and being too involved.
Sorry, life is mess and I am a lover, I got involved, I hugged, I loved, I coached people who were my customers, ones who had nothing to give but needed the love so bad, how could I not.
We must be careful about the life we build, we can get absolutely lost in the way to the rabbit hole.
My message is this, the world is absolutely changing, it is frightening but God is protecting believers, that is clear. America is at a critical point where we need to decide, all in or all out.
I being a lover of humans have total faith in God but I also believe in my fellow man.
It is time to take out the trash enter into a place of truth and honesty and start asking questions. None of us are lost, there is love and forgiveness, happiness and the strength to endure at the foot of the cross.
During your day many things will come into your view, become a discerning consumer and ask the hard questions. If it does not serve God’s plan for us we need to be strong enough to walk away. Deception is at an all time high and we are being told enlightenment is ours for the taking. This is a flat out lie, any enlightenment that is not of God is of the other, evil, don’t walk, run from this.
I pray for everyone who reads this.
“Father God, help us, we need you more than ever, this person who reads my words is seeking truth in their life. cover us with your love, your passion, your wisdom, be the guiding light that brings us together. Love will be what saves us, God you hear our prayers and know our hearts. Bless us on this road and protect is from the evil one.” I pray in Jesus name, Amen.
Blessings and love,

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