30 Jul

Bowing Down

The continent of Asia offers culture to America but what do we really know about how is customs tie into our heritage as Americans. America was founded on Biblical truths right? Under current conditions I think most Americans want to restore America to her glory yet Americans like trends, we worship them but often neglect the research.
Yoga, yin, yang, meditation, namaste and balance are all hot words but how much balance exists in any of that.
Let’s talk about India., I have friends there and understand the culture somewhat.  If it is such lovely peaceful culture then why so many issues, I will dig into them below.  My friends are Believers, followers of Jesus, one had his leg broken for that reason. They endure harassment and persecution regularly.
I am reading a book by K.P. Yohannan, the creator of Gospel for Asia. He is a man born and raised in the Hindu culture, he points out many things that I never realized about the religion.
Yoga is a Hindu practice being done by millions all over the world. The essence of yoga is to reach oneness with God and for a Christian, I ask where that leaves Jesus and the part about worship. The Hindu American Foundation is not proud about this blend, they say that American Yoga has stolen the intellectual property of their spiritual heritage.
Although yoga is promoted as a health miracle, by centering self, meditating and using the mind. Behind the nirvana of it all lies an ugly truth about the culture for a believer.

Hinduism has no one god, it has many gods that exist all in one reality. There is no founder, yet it is referred to as “river”, eternal truth. “Truth is one, sages call it by different names”. In Hinduism, the soul transmigrates from one body to another, karma determines the rest. Your moral actions either condemn or avail you for the next life.
The four fulfillment’s you seek are Prosperity, Filling Your Purpose, Desire/sex/enjoyment, and Enlightenment.
Namaste represents the divine spark in us all, the heart chakra. Nama means Bow,as is “I”, Te is “You”. In the position of hands together at heart and head bowed to surrender to the Divine Self, with the mind surrendered a deep union of spirits can blossom. Meditate that Jesus is Lord of all and see what happens.
1 Joh 4: 1-3 “Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you heard was coming and now is in the world already.” Are you thinking yet?

Here is the reality…
Hinduism creates centuries of people trapped in religious slavery of the worst kind, tied to such deep segregation and poverty. Religion, Nationalism, and Economic Gains all mix as a volatile explosive that the enemy of our creator uses against His human creations. There are deep ties to secular materialism, humanism where there is no God, and the anti Christian pressure in the world.


Of the 128 billion people in India, 17% are Dalits, or untouchables. This is segregation of the worst kind, it destroys the human soul.
1/3 of the worlds hungry people live in India.
80% of India follows Hinduism.
Hunger is the number one cause of death there.
Kids fall into human trafficking there daily.
11 million children are abandoned there, 90% are girls. To avoid a dowry they are eliminated, abandoned or killed at birth, the dowry is an economic burden.
500,00 abortions there are performed targeting gender selection.
These children no nothing but rejection and starvation.
Hindus worship many gods, some which are cows and rats, the cows are normally pets used for milk and dung for energy. They are celebrated and washed once a year on Gopastami.
Rats also are worshipped. They play a role in the reincarnated life. You are most likely to become a rat on the way up the spiritual ladder to Nirvana. At the Karni Devi cave the rats called Kabas are managed and fed by staff, the Karni Devi God is linked to community fortunes so the rats are sacred, yet rats spoil and eat 20% of India’s grain, annually.
This loss can be pictured as a train with loaded cars that stretches from NY to LA. I call this spiritual blindness, the rats and cows can eat while humans suffer and starve. Mediate on that for a moment.
Lastly, the Dalits, the untouchables, there are one in every six Indians, 17% of the population, they are denied basic human rights, often literacy puts them onto bonded slavery as they do not understand the contracts. they are persecuted and exploited. But are they any less human?

Gandhi, the George Washington of India when he returned to his homeland had to deconstruct himself to have a voice in his home country. He had to be undone, break all ties to gain acceptance of the common. Gandhi acknowledged Jesus as the son of God, yet Christianity, gave his blessing on the Gospel.

Yet the gospel has never has been widely accepted on the Asian continent. Chiefly because they reject the trappings of the Western culture that has been fastened to the Gospel.
He knew he must become all to win some, and he did.
World Missions knows that missionaries are most effective if they are native in their own people. Which is why the greatly blessed America should be hleping. The only person to walk this earth and selflessly love and give to others blindly with no prejudice or judgement was Jesus. The gospel that surrounds him is one that frees the soul of man from judgements. I remember the day I read Proverbs 29:25 and understood it. Fear of man is a snare….That message could help alot of opressed people, save many souls from bondage. 

To understand we have God given rights to live and be free without oppression under God’s rule. Perhaps it is nonsense to the self indulgent West but to the modern day leper, the untouchable, that kind of love is sweet water to parched lips that quenches a thrist like no other.
Perhaps I understand due to some roles I have been in and certain seasons of life, but when my Lord called my name I understood His voice, they do too.
As you practice your yoga, mediate on the traditions that built it.
Traditional Yoga seeks to provide plausible answers to such profound questions as, “Who am I?”, “Whence do I come?”, “Whither do I go?,” and “What must I do?” All great questions but who is answering you?
To Christians who follow Jesus, is there a map to salvation? Protocols to follow? Rituals to practice? If you follow the physical route of yoga, to where are you going? To what do you attribute your divinity?
1 John 4:1 Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, for many false prophets have gone out into the world.

God loves us so much, how many times does he refer to his souls as little children. In America we were founded on Biblical truth, perhaps that has grown antiquated to some but there is merit in looking back. Our success as a nation is evident when we were aware of God in our lives and knew how to follow Him. We are falling down and broken as a country and we have sold our heritage of freedom as given by the One True Sovereign God. Our heritage is one of blood, sweat and tears, the substance of a man. the Pilgrims were not meditating on the boat to get here, they were knee deep in excrement, sick and praying to the God who did respond and brought them safely to the shores of America despite horrible, almost impossible odds.
Think my friends, our choices are important. Pray about your life, the water is so muddy and I simply am lighting a candle for you to see clearly.
Everything is not as it seems. Pray for discerning.

Much love in Christ,



22 Jul

Heaven and Hell…choices


Consider, 11 poor disciples, with 112 rag tag followers, with no social clout, no power, who loved radically and with no blog or newspaper began a revolution with word of mouth. Even under persecution they turned Roman society on it’s head. Why? for one man who touched them in way no other, Jesus who is God in the form of man. They began something that is alive still today, it is something we should take very seriously. The Bible has been proven over and over historically, archaeologically, time and time again, the proof so convincing it converted athiests and agnostics hell bent of disproving it. What divine truth.

My mom who is 91 and of another generation has been a treasure trove of books and literature that guide me. She came to Jesus as a young woman and mother with her husband who had lived his life for himself and found destruction. When they discovered God’s live in the milking parlor via gospel radio their family life changed. They were already parents and taught their kids all that they learned. By the time I was born in 1969, my parents had bloomed into disciples and dedicated their final seed to God’s service. I am she, the youngest and a prodigal.

I have told so much of my story, and my early knowledge of God was one of a child but was accurate, however my life was hijacked by the devil and his tricks being played in the lives of believers. In this life I found my hell, enough of it to turn back a changed person. Hell is you completely alone, you hear only your own voice, you speak and noone understands you instead they parrot their own pain back to you with no compassion. Memories are endless but not good ones, they go away. All that is left is despair, failure, disappointments, deceiful acts, pain you caused, hurt that happened because of you, damage to others lives that you caused becomes louder and louder and nothing stops the relentless anguish. All that I could see was my folly and how I squandered the gifts I was given. I was lost, unable to save myself and the only way out was a bullet. Grace found me there. I picked up my father’s Bible, prayed shamelessly and opened everything I thought I had hidden from God. I was forced to re-examine my life, sudddenly balancing on the scales of what matters in God’s eyes I realized I had squandered and sowed pain.

There are 2 kinds of works in this life, God classifies them in His Word. Gold, Silver and Precious Stones are acts to the Glory of God, all for the sake of Jesus. The other is Wood, Hay, Stubble are acts for our earthly fame, honor, praise to self backed by selfish reasons. If our works are abiding, we gain a reward, if they can be burned we recieve loss of our soul. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says we ALL will appear at the judgement seat of Christ to account for the acts while in the vessel. Realize in 2 John 8-11 we are told believers who support the enemies of Jesus will lose not his soul but his reward. Christians who support a church not standing in the doctrine of Christ Jesus risen will lose their reward. Narrow is the gate, pray and discern my friends.

1 Corinthians 5:10 No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

2 Timothy 4:7,8 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith; in the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing.

As God’s servants and stewards we are Saved so that we can SERVE not to be idle. If you are not the hands and feet, if you are not loving, you are not obeying. If you are stuck in unforgiveness or pride, know that is not of God.

Why should we obey God? Because we are free, the death of Jesus has blotted out our sins, when we believe in Him. Isaiah 44:22 “I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.” Isaiah 43:25 “I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Hebrews 8:12 “For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.” What a beautiful gift of freedom, but with freedom comes responsibility, a great deal of it and I fear that this is no longer being preached. Evil has entered the North American church and disease spreads in the darkness, I will expose it to the light. I can do nothing less now that I understand the truth about my own Salvation. I am a woman changed by the truth. Things change around me as a result, I stand in amazement and in humble respect for God who loves me without condition. 

2 Peter 3:10 says “But the day of the Lord will come like a thief. The heavens will disappear with a roar; the elements will be destroyed by fire, and the earth and everything done in it will be laid bare.” Noone likes to talk about judgement, that doesn’t sit well in  society so we omit it.

Consider this, our air is made up of gasses. Oxygen and Nitrogen, the 2 most combustible gases, it also caontains water which contains hydrogen and oxygen. Our atmosphere is a storehouse of fire, Is it waiting for ignition? The earth is part of creation, God never said he’d destroy it, Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. Ecclesiastes 1:4. And it will be inherited by the meek according to the gospel of Matthew. We are created in the image of God, even Jesus told his disciples after the resurrection, handle me, feed me, prove I am not a spirit. We will be glorified humans, recreated to bear God’s likeness, we are clay being shaped through the adversity and trials of life. We crave perfection as that is our destination, it is hunger we are born with for Heaven, for being what we were created to be, the world get’s in the way. Hell is real but it was not created for men, earth was. God wants man to repent of his love of self, we obey the will that is played by Satan, humans are not devils nor are bad ones the devils angels. God allows those who “choose” to live in sin to follow satan into the eternity prepared for him. The will is in the way, God’s hands are tied, it is up to us. We do not end up in Heaven by accident not do we stumble there, it is a place prepared for believers and only those who are prepared will go there. Belief in Jesus Christ is the doorway to Heaven  as stated in John 1:12,13 “But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God.” John 5:24 Truly, truly, I say to you, he who hears My word, and believes Him who sent Me, has eternal life, and does not come into judgment, but has passed out of death into life.

Revelation 2 and 3 discuss the church and the falling away,thousands of years later, all very relevant, not much has changed. The Gospel of Jesus is still watered down and manipulated. If your church is not preaching the gospel I am advising you to speak to the pastor and if that does not resolve it, leave. Warn a decisive man once and if he ignores you, walk away. Not my words, Gods. Todays churches are leaving Jesus out as well as the power of His blood and the second coming of Christ. Instead many churches and it’s followers are embracing rainbows. Let’s be very, very clear.  Rainbows were used 4 times in the Bible. In Genesis 9 after the flood as a sign that water would no longer consume the earth as it did in Noah’s time. In Ezekiel 1:26-28 when he gazed on the glory of God. 3rd in Revelation 10 the angel that appeared wore a rainbow. And 4th in Revelation 4:13, a rainbow encircles the Throne of God. The throne is a symbol of Justice and Righteousness and the rainbow represents mercy. God tells us mercy is extended to man until the curtain of time comes to a close.

Let’s be very clear, the church as it is today is not the church discussed in the Bible. It is not attended, nor does it have members, it is made up of fully born again believers. Be cautious what you hold onto as truth and where you align yourself. Pride goes before the fall. Gay pride attached to rainbows will not get a pass into the kingdom of Heaven. There is no self love there and “my way and wants” is self love, period. I loved to get my wine buzz on and shop but it takes me away from my purpose, get rid of anything that keeps you from the love of God and His favor, no person, object or substance should be in the way of God’s Sovereign will. We must stop twisting scripture to fit our wants.

We all will face judgement, the laws in our country were designed around God’s word and they knew mercy and justice had to exist together, we are coming to an age where even that is falling apart. We all will face the throne of God with Jesus reigning in judgement and mercy. 2 Corinthians 5:10 says, For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ; that every one may receive the things done in his body, according to that he hath done, whether it be good or bad.

This is not judging if you are saved or lost, this is for believers about custodianship and stewardship. 

The Bible clearly reveals the truth but you must read it.

But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken. Matthew 12:36

You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat. Romans 14:10

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Galatians 6:7

Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ. Collossians 3:24

For no man can lay a foundation other than the one which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if any man builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each man’s work will become evident; for the day will show it because it is to be revealed with fire, and the fire itself will test the quality of each man’s work. If any man’s work which he has built on it remains, he will receive a reward. If any man’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire. 2 Corinthians 3:11-15

For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what they have done. Matthew 16:27

Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat upon it, from whose presence earth and heaven fled away, and no place was found for them. And I saw the dead, the great and the small, standing before the throne, and books were opened; and another book was opened, which is the book of life; and the dead were judged from the things which were written in the books, according to their deeds. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead which were in them; and they were judged, every one of them according to their deeds. Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death, the lake of fire. And if anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire. Revelation 20:11-15 

It is a dreadful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. Hebrews 10:31
It is very clear that the Lord wants us to repent, He loves us unconditionally but he wants us to be holy, like Him. He has given us Jesus who gave all to save the lost, to save mankind from destruction. “For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.” Luke 19:10

Christians are stumbling toward hell over the simplicity of the gospel. Why do we keep looking for a feeling or a great thing to do? Who are you doing it for? God knows your motives, the underneath of your intention, nothing is hidden.  For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. Ephesians 2:8,9

We are here by Grace to bring souls home, break the deception of the world run by satan and his legions that control the air. It will pass away (Revelation 21:1) and earth will be purified, renovated and re-created but not completely destroyed. Ecclesiastes 1:4 Generations come and generations go, but the earth remains forever. God will perfect His kingdom, whether you remain depends on if you can abide while you are here and not get tied up in the nonsense.

I am a consumer, I have tasted and seen, I have seen enough to allow me to realize none of this is real. Money, industry, social status, possessions, careers and businesses all will pass away. The human soul is eternal like it or not and you choose how the story ends. Choices.

I speak in complete love to break the strongholds satan and his lies have placed over us. When you live unaware in the world the ties to your soul are what keep you on that culdesac of doing, being and trying. I close with this. Let go or be dragged.




08 Jul

Conduit of Compassion



Being part of the family of God is a community. Citizenship has both benefits and responsibilities. As Christians we are called to be caregivers, moving past superficial relationships and applying in-depth caring. Jesus practiced Holistic relationships following  God’s commandment to” love the whole being” with the “whole of our being”.  One must have a healthy ego, a good self image and the driver of their acts should be the love of Jesus inside of them. The tools of a Christian Caregiver are the Bible, Prayer, Love, and God’s Power.  James 5:16 tells us, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.”

“We must avoid the imperialism trap, your job is to show others that there is more than our mistakes and regrets, there is redemption that erases our minds of painful memories. One can only do this if you learn to evoke honest sharing. I found this true as a bank manager, I was willing to discuss my own money mistakes to teach others how to make better choices. It is the same in all of life, we bridge the knowledge gap.  There is freedom in sharing but know that with freedom comes great responsibility. Loose lips sink ships and there can be no personal gain in this.

Pray together, open hearts.  You must  know that it is better to have a heart without words than words without heart. No fakes, no cheat sheets, just your heart. Evangelism is not scary. It is defined as the act of bringing good news. Imagine communicating the suprising and beautiful fact that God truly does love us all. And He showed victory over death and sin through Jesus our beautiful Lord and Savior. God calls us all to share our faith in the Gospel with all the world, everyone without judgement or condition.

My motive is love, I have learned that to be loved is to love. What God pours into me unconditionally I must pour back out. I constatly evaluate my motives, why am I doing this? If any of  it is for me, it is worthless. Evangelism is dialog not monolog, other oriented sharing, this means you share and take time for others. Can you open yourself? Or does fear hold you as it did me? I was a fake, nice lady, pretty package  with a mess of lies behind the surface.  We must be willing to discuss it, it is just life and none of us get out alive. This calls for being open not unzipped, remember this is not about you, mask off. God’s love is others oriented. 

I had to make the Christian message be something seen and touchable. My acts give God’s love flesh and bones. My arms are His arms holding you, my tears are His hurt, if I truly understand the love of my Heavenly Father how can I offer any one person less. <3

Christian caregiving calls for the Renewal of the spirit daily, Romans 12:12 “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer”. Let’s unpack that.

Hope is unseen yet it exists, are you joyful in the darkness? Do you truly know God’s love, there is no fear in perfect love.

Affliction comes in many forms, Webster says it’s “a state of pain, distress, or grief”,  call it what you want, misery has many names…mental, physical, financial, social. Does the pressure kill you? Got stress? We must give it away. Let go or be dragged.

Prayer, the lifeblood of our Faith, without communication you have no relationship. I hope you have faithful prayer time daily, it is essential.

If any of this rings a bell that is okay, ask God to show you what you need to let go of and then let go of it or them. What holds you back from God’s love and blessing? You may be surprised. He wants to be our all in all, no stand ins, no substitutes, He wants to be what we cannot live without. We can grow into caregivers with the right teaching tools and I am happy to share what I learn.

I pray in faith for so many who I touch, you know who you are. It is not me doing anything other than talking to my Father about your problem like an intercessor because I love you. The same way I went higher up in the bank world for approvals on special situations. Fear is not an accessory I entertain.

I rely on God the Father for results, I have simply opened myself to allow His Love to flow through me. So can you, be a conduit, we just move the love from one place to the next. All that said remember when you come alongside someone that the Biblical Truth is what you base all of your acts of compassion on. Never once did Jesus help the Pharisee Tax Collectors fill the cash box, nor did He lie with the prostitutes He taught redemption to. He lowered himself in humility to not judge and love but never did He condone the acts that are sinful of the other human involved. The Obedience of the Gospel never was left out. Be careful what you assign yourself to.

Let’s say I have 2 sons, one is a raging alcoholic who beats his wife and kids, the other is pursuing an openly homosexual relationship. I have compassion for both, love them both, but do I take sides? Or do I plead the case for them? Am I honest with them? Ot do I pander to the sin?

Son #1 has a terrible job, he is under stress, he knows it is wrong but God understands and so do I. I support his decision to smother his pain and abuse his family.

Son# 2 knows homosexual behavior is called immoral and impure yet he carries on, I support his decision to remain in sin and call it his.

The world says I must be flexible to fit in right?

Or do I say.  My allegiance is to God, God’s word and the Truth. Call it sin and love them anyway but this does not mean you plead their case. I am wary of the Christian touting rainbows of equality, I hope you understand what you are doing. Just because your pastor says so doesn’t mean it is so, exactly why I look to noone to interperet my Bible for me, I read it.  My Bible tells me that Jesus’s message was repent, he cleared no code, he revoked no laws, he had compassion but knew that the root remained until repentance happened and repentance is laying down your life and saying thy will not my will. Sexuality and all, we are meant for worship. I had to learn it in my own life and lay down my own desire, I don’t speak from a place of inexperience, I own my scars. Save the hate.

I leave you with this, when we pray Thy kingdom come, don’t forget to say my kingdom go, when we pray Thy will be done, I say my will be gone. Humble all the way, drop your ego on your way out.

Much love my peeps~


02 Jul

The Noble Wife




Proverbs 12:4
A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones.
As a woman, we are not born into noble character, we are born into sinful flesh. We possess the image of God but our hearts must be taught.  As little girls we look up to her mothers and we model them and I did just that. My childhood eyes saw my mother is the most beautiful creature,  she taught me how to love. I learned by watching her how to be honorable, kind, a wellspring of kindness and a helper.  But it was not enough. Over time I had allowed my mind and my heart to be taken on so many rides, what was left was not very nice. 
We are what we consume and I reached a point in my marriage and I realize the trash I consumed was coming back up and spreading across my family, the results were awful.  There was hostility and toxicity in our marriage and our home and how it got there is too long a story to tell but getting rid of it became a necessity.
2 people, adults come together drawn in by lust, love and desire which by statistics lasts about 18 months. When the fire dies down what is left is life and how we approach it is key, difficulty is not avoidable it comes in many packages.
Difficulty can make us redefine ourselves and where were at in life. There’s nothing like hot water to reveal what’s in the teabag. When someone realizes they need to change we can try to be mindful but are we really ever 100% effective? Failure is a confidence killer that’s cause of setbacks more often than not. I’m all about sustainable progress, so it’s not enough to learn, we must implement new habits and practice in order for a change to stick. I tok on a new mindset, trading hostility for kindness, wearing forgiveness and resisting anger.
As wives and mothers we bear the weight of the relations and our homes in all boomerangs back to us what we do with it matters. 
I ran myself ragged making lists, creating reminders, having talks, counseling, implementing, solving with whatever tips I could find…Exhausting.
Forever the people pleaser I ran circles to keep peace.
How we view the difficulty presented in our households as the overseer is a huge factor in health of the household.
I’ve learned to lean in to prayer in hard times, I found that difficulty is an opportunity.
I encourage you to take some time and consider what’s really going on.  During trials it’s helpful to unplug from our own minds and plug in to God, know that when sparks begin to fly the Lord is at work.
Our home should be judgment free zones, as yourself, am I the safe zone my family needs? Somehow moms have handed this off, subcontracted our jobs to others and we’ve lost so much on the way. We are often the first to become overburdened putting us into situations were simply not designed for and how do we treat our families as a result of this? Just because society sets a model for the American woman,  it does not mean this will work for you, be yourself.
Anger and frustration were my go to emotions I had become a flashpoint. I was able to handle it until my illness crept in and then boom, she blew.
I tied the people that I love to expectations which were largely unmet, my excuse to race off to go fill the wound with girl time, retail therapy, winery events, filling up my desires at whim because I could. I often came home and day with nothing to pour back out our household had become ripe with discontentment, we were barely surviving.
When my illness hit the expectations tied to me crashed and suddenly the boys of the house were as lost as I was.
Sitting in the midst of the mess I asked God to please redefine the role of wife for me, I was a total failure I was miserable and so was everyone else.
Realizing I had no power to solve the issues in front of me I went into deep prayer and learned I was put here to serve not to be served that was my wake up call.
My job is another is to paint a beautiful picture of service which is love without conditions. I was only able to do this when I allowed God to come into my heart and consume me. I had become so sick of myself and my own way, I begged for a makeover so as my body ttied to heal so did my spirit. I went all in, I had nothing but everything to lose.
God taught me to be as full as possible with his love, steer away from any codependence on waiting for others to pour love back onto me.
I was scared,  could I learn to pour myself and others zero expectations? I am selfish to a fault and admit it.
In the past my way was rule and my short fuse always let igniting other fuses causing us to burn. Remember Lady taught me bit and bride are a wild thing’s friend.
I began to unpack my soul with God, my friends had bailed out, none understood,  I was left with a sick body, empty hands, and a husband and son who did not know what was going on. I wrote therapeutically prayed frequently I was able to feel safe and unpacked to my family as well.
No one was more surprised than I when my husband stepped in beside me, he had been watching closely became my confidant and a shelter we began to build our marriage all over again, the results are beautiful. That how God provides, He gives us a shelter that is mean to be the image of His love, a marriage.
If you can identify with any events I encourage you to start today craft an honest apology rooted in acts and affirming words, begin to work on paper work through unresolved issues,  you owe it to yourself, you owe it to your family.  I wrote letters to God, letters to the people that hurt me, I poured out my heart I cried until there were no more tears. The path I had taken in life while ignoring God was ripe with pain,regret and consequences.
This was so helpful to understanding.
God will raise our pain thresholds as we enter discussions but we must focus on the issue, not on events, no finger-pointing, no blaming, forgiveness is a crown we must wear and we must commit to the process of trading anger, fustration and resentment in for intimacy with God.
As my nest grows empty my role changes again and I’m still learning this journey is not on I take alone. I go with God as my guide and he’s given me an extension of himself to stand in the gap with me. I always used withdrawal to avoid any unpleasantries but now that I unplug from me, I’ve exchanged my habits and my actions no matter how well-intentioned they may be. I traded them for His infinite wisdom.
I applied discipline rather than depending on self-control. I cannot change me but God can re-work my heart. This removes the weight from my shoulders by choosing righteousness and embracing the truth. I resist entering bondage and choose to exercise my spiritual sense my deepest desire is only to know God better and understand his way. I’ve learned that God does give us power, the power of choice.
I resolve and renew my mind before a crisis, not when it hits or during it. My choice. 
Ladies let me say with every problem I watch you all face I can only say “me too”, I have been there. Trust me when I say God knows your heart he sees your intentions not your acts, stop trying so hard and tell Him what you desire for your family, seek His word for guidance, no other truth exists that produces results like this.
A noble wife knows she is a conduit of Grace. My caring provides a channel through which God’s love and mercy can flow.
Plant seeds of love, take time, renew your choices, are you seeing yourself and your desires only or the family, the children, the gifts that God gave you. Where your heart is there will be your treasure,  treasure laid up here will rust and be eaten by moths, only treasure in heaven is eternal.  Choose to live, reap the eternal blessings and treasures that God infuses into the spirit of the noble wife.
We are all in this together I’m here as an arrow, I point to Him, the rest is up to you.
Plant seeds with the Master Gardener and watch your garden grow.
Much love,